Hiatus

I've noticed lately that I do nothing but bitch on my blog. Thats really not what the blog was meant for. For the most part I intended to use the blog to showcase my writing. Since I've been blocked for some time now, I obviously have nothing new to post. I was considering taking a hiatus from the blog. (at least I'm warning you guys first unlike other ppl we know) I enjoy posting most of the time, but nobody wants to come here and always hear about how sucky my life is. On the one hand, I figured I'd take a break from writing till I'm less stressed since I get blocked when I get stressed. On the other hand, I usually find writing to be a very soothing activity. What I really need is a week-long vacation in Hawaii. Who wants to donate to my vacation fund? Ah well, I can dream.

Bah Humbug!

You know what guys? I hate Christmas. The fat man in the red suit can go screw himself. I was in such a good mood after visiting my parents house. Then I had to go to my mother in laws the next day. I already told you what she did on Thanksgiving. This time she scheduled the christmas lunch for an hour and a half before I had to go to work. Not only did I have to miss my son opening his presents there, but I had to skip my shower and change at her house just to make it to work on time. I don't know about you guys, but my shower time is about the only me time I get. Its when I relax, unwind from the day before, and gear up for my upcoming shift. I'm not a happy person when I don't get my shower. That and I just don't like to stink! On top of that, she bought me and my husband mostly clothes for Christmas. My husband and I are very picky about out clothes. We've told her dozens of times not to buy clothes for us unless we are there with her. And to ice the cake, everything she bought for me is too big. I know I'm not a supermodel or anything but I am not that fat!! Crazy as it may sound, the one thing that really bothered me the most was not getting to see if she liked the present we picked out for her. My husband and I spent an entire day looking at Wal-mart, K-mart, and every store in the mall trying to find a good present for her. We finally settled on a beautiful wind chime to put up in her new house. Having her new boyfriend at all the family functions is starting to bother me. Shes been divorced less than two months. Shes seeing a new guy, and its none of my business, but shes already trying to get my son and my nephew to call him pawpaw. I just don't think shes thinking about how this is affecting my little boy. I think its confusing him. He ran in his room, shut the door, and keep saying "no, bye" when my now ex father in law (who was my husbands step father) stopped by before Christmas. Its certainly confusing me. I already had to contend with 3 seperate Christmas get togethers. One for my family, one for my husbands mom, and one for his dad. Now its going to be four. Nothing in life is simple, but this is just nuts.

Merry Christmas!

Ok, so its not quite Christmas day yet, but for me the celebration already started. My family always gets together on Christmas Eve. For the first time in many, many years, I have gotten something I really wanted for Christmas. (keep in mind my parents have a limited budget and I have expensive tastes) Instead of showering us with lots of little presents, my mom got us each one or two small ones and a big one. That big present was a new Samsung digital camera. I've been wanting a good digital camera since my son was born almost 5 years ago. For some reason I never got around to buying one myself. Seemed like every time I had the money something else came up that I had to pay for. I have been giving some serious thought to posting some pics on my blog. (if i can figure out how) I was going to stay pretty much anonymous on this blog, but when I stop and think about it why bother? Almost everyone who reads this knows who I really am anyway. And the rest will find out eventually when Chem or Tut blabs. That and I'd love to show you guys just how cute my son is. I'll have to think on it some more.

Christmas cheer

What a lovely christmas season I'm having this year. I'm still not done with all my shopping. I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown. I'm trying to adjust to 2nd shift again, and just when I thought things were finally calming down, bam! My father is in the hospital. His regular doctor has basically dissapeared and the doctor treating him at the hospital says he has CHF. (since most of the people who read this are in the health field I'll leave it abbreviated) While they are saying he will pull through just fine I can't help but be worried. He is my dad after all. I truly hope that the rest of you are having a better Christmas than I am. Chem must be either deliriously happy or dead. By the way Congratulations to Chem, Tut, and Keith (the other guy in there class) on Graduating. May you have a long and successful nursing career. I'm off to clean my apartment now. Which means I may not be seen or heard from for a few days.

Hi there

Its been nearly a week since my last post. My how time flies. Christmas is even closer and I'm still not even started. I just can't seem to get into the christmas spirit this year. I've already got so much on my shoulders that Christmas just seems like another burdon for me to bear on my own. I want to ask you guys for some advice. I have a problem thats been weighing very heavily on my mind lately. My husband has agoraphobia. The fear and anxiety basically keep him housebound if he's not with me or his mother. The only thing he does without me anymore is take our son out to the bus. Because of this, for the last 3 or 4 years I have done anything that involves leaving the house. I do all the shopping, pay all the bills. I take our son to any appointments he has. I know it may not seem like much to some people... but it feels like I'm a single parent taking care of two kids. I told my husband more than nine months ago that he had to go get help. For a while he did a little better. He even drove himself to one of his appointments. Then he just stopped seeing his psychiatrist. He sits on his butt and plays computer games all day. I don't know how he acts when I'm not home, but when I am home he sits our son down in front of the TV and leaves him there. I love my husband, but I am beginning to believe that he doesnt want to change. I made an agreement with my husband a very long time ago that I would work and suppost our family while he went to college. When he finished college I was supposed to go. I also told him that I want more kids before I'm 30. I have a little more than 5 years before that time, but if he goes to a four year college that leaves me just a little over a year to have more kids. I have been fighting off my own depression for the past few weeks because I just don't know what to do. I don't want to leave my husband in his time of need, but if I stay I'm going to have to give up on all my hopes and plans for my life. I don't want to put my son through a messy divorce, but I can't help but wonder if we'd be better off without. I'm thinking some counseling for me might be a good idea. Being everyones caretaker is starting to wear me down.

Our free time

Well, its official. Tilby and I are totally crazy. I had Tilby over Thursday and we threw a birthday party for someone we don't even know. You see, Tilby and I are nuts about a couple of certain actors best known for being hobbits. Thursday was the birthday of one of those actors so we threw him a party. We even had a cake special made for us with his picture on it. The words on the cake said "Enjoy. Its as close as you're ever gonna get" We really need more to do with our free time in the winter... I don't really like driving a whole lot when the roads are wet and nasty. We almost never have a babysitter anyway. Its just way to cold to do skyclad rituals this time of year. What else are we supposed to do?

Christmas shopping

I really need to start my christmas shopping. I wanted to do it this coming weekend, but a little thing inside my car's engine called a tensioner put a stop to that. $200 to fix a belt and a part about the size of a baseball. Now I'm completely broke and won't have any more money till the 13th. Oh well. I'll just do all my shopping last minute like I do every year. Its always the same thing. In August I tell myself to start early, and the second week in December I still haven't bought a thing. I haven't gotten out my chistmas decorations yet either. I'll be having Tilby over tomorrow for a little party we are throwing, so hopefully we'll have the next part of Keae's Journey posted. Now if I can just convince her to work some more on her Shadowlands story.

I have no life!

I've been so busy this past week. I worked 16 hours on Friday, 8 on Saturday and Sunday, then 12 more today. Every time I get a little time to stop I fall asleep in my recliner. And I'm still exausted. I keep trying to find time to bring Tilby over, but we just can't seem to get it together. I'm still totally bummed about getting bumped. It used to be that you couldn't bump the new hires for the first six months. They did away with that rule right before they hired us. But I still make more money than Chem and Tut so its all good ;) .